the_nano_conspiracy_theoryfandomcom-20200214-history
The Lizard Theory
The Lizard Theory On March 1, 2019, 11:08 pm EST the user Kian posted this: "okay, this might sound kind of crazy, and it's not exactly a ywp site conspiracy?? but I think y'all need to hear this. It all started when Chris Baty left NaNoWriMo. There we were, wondering, "Why? Why? Why?!" Most of us accepted it. He's moving on with his life. He's doing what's best for himself. But not me. Not. Me. I continued to look into what happened. Why did Chris really leave? Who is this Grant Faulkner guy? What is going on? I went full detective. I hitchhiked down to NaNo HQ to figure out what was happening. The people who drove me there thought I was insane when I told them about my quest. They said I was just grieving, unable to accept that we were moving into a new era. I understood it, of course. I, a supposedly insane ten-year-old, was hitchhiking down to NaNo HQ just because I thought there was some conspiracy behind Chris Baty leaving. I ignored their opinions. I knew something was going on. I knew it. Now, in case you don't know, I live very far north, and very far west in the Midwest USA. So it took a long time to get there. I had ages to think about my actions, and never once did I question my sanity (not counting the time I considered I might have been in Doctor Who for real, and it suddenly occurred to me that what I was doing was insane). Something strange was going on, and I knew it. I went through with my plan, and eventually, after several days and seventeen drivers, I found myself in Berkley, California. When I got to NaNo HQ, things were weird from the get-go. Everything outside looked normal, but as soon as I looked inside of the window--the one you might know from the virtual write-ins--I saw something strange. Lindsay Grant was tied up to a chair, and Grant Faulkner was standing over top of her. He reached up towards his face, and suddenly, a bright green light spread through the room. I quickly realized that his face was turning green and scaly, and his tailbone was growing into an actual tail. I wasted no time running out of there. As I said, I was only ten at the time and absolutely horrified at what I had seen. He had unzipped his face, as if it were nothing more than a mask! I hitchhiked all the way home, and managed to get back into my house without punishment by telling a little lie and saying that I was kidnapped. I don't recall exactly what happened, but people say I claimed to be abducted by aliens. I was probably still freaked out from what happened. Anyway, I got off without getting into a lot trouble. Nothing happened for a while after that. I participated in NaNoWriMo like nothing was wrong. I went on with my life, and never told anyone what I saw. I had tried once with my older brother, but he laughed me off. Said I was insane, and needed to stop watching so much Doctor Who because it was getting into my head. I told him that I was not thinking of the slitheen, it was a shapeshifter. He laughed at me. After that, I stayed silent for years, hoping that I would eventually just forget about it. Then, on February 20th, 2015, I read this article, and I couldn't believe my eyes. Could it be? Were the lizard people real? Did they extend beyond political figures? It seemed only natural. They've taken over the government, why not take over some companies and nonprofits as well? I researched for days. I slipped into an unnatural cycle of waking up, eating poptarts, and reading about lizard people for months on end. Eventually, I managed to come to a clear conclusion on what happened to Chris Baty, and the rest of the NaNoWriMo staff. Grant Faulkner is a lizard man. He took over NaNoWriMo, and converted the entire staff. Only Chris Baty managed to make it out with his humanity intact. The heartfelt goodbye for him was just to keep us wrimos from becoming suspicious. Now, NaNoWriMo isn't just a nonprofit designed to help writers. No. It's a coverup for a training program for lizard people, where they can learn how to brainwash and convert humans. When the staff leave now--assuming they don't work remotely--they've been promoted, and are going to help infiltrate the government. My life became consumed by this conspiracy, which claimed that NaNoWriMo was taken over by lizard people. My parents took me to therapists. My brother banned me from Doctor Who. But nothing could convince me that NaNoWriMo was still an innocent writing program. Nothing ever will." This was followed by horror and amazement from the NaNo community. Some quotes from users include the following: "Everyone on NaNo is secretly a lizard, but we're all too afraid to admit it." - Ajalow "Every time the site stops working during Nano months, it's because the mods are using the magic of writing generated by the sheer number of wins to turn all of the winners into lizard people. Or aliens. I'm not sure yet. Every time I get close to the, truth and proof, i get drowned in spam messages that all say "why i am blocked sir" or have ducks.... I am thus forced to conclude that the famous meme is in cahoots with the mods, as is that mysterious duck." - ThetaStigma "akjlrejkldjkflfdskljsfdkldfjkljdfkJKDLSJKSJLKDF" - Anix Category:Theories